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Lately, and especially after numerous life changes and the different coaching and trainer’s studies, I’ve been contemplating the painful yet sweet imperfections and mediocrity of life and humanity. Perhaps this contemplation is also tied to my own reflections on middle age.
This ”late” middle age feels like never-ending being in-between, a transitional period. There’s plenty of experience and wisdom, yet at times, it feels like there’s nothing at all. Sometimes there’s energy, sometimes none. Sometimes everything excites and amuses, and other times, it’s about letting everything just be.
Into the Present
I have all the tools, skills, and experience to stay upbeat, inspired, and grateful for everything that has been, what is now, and what is yet to come. For example, yesterday could have been an incredible day, filled with energy, and today, perhaps nothing seems to go according to plan.
Eg. it would have been nice to have the below Easter grass grow in time for Easter, even though our older children are no longer interested in growing it. So I planted it for my own pleasure – maybe it’ll grow a little before the second day of Easter.
Discomforts
Lately, I’ve found myself rather often in my discomfort zone, purposefully pushing myself, experiencing some successes, but also feeling frustration about my lack of skill, incompleteness, and mediocrity.
I’ve been running my own business for nearly two years now. Talk about being in the discomfort zone! Maybe more on that later!
Following my children’s dancing hobbies, I finally decided to give dancing a try for myself too. I’ve been dancing in adult Hip Hop and Street dance groups for almost 1.5 years now. It’s wonderful and enjoyable, and it gives me energy. Still, every dance class leaves me somewhat frustrated as I struggle to learn ANY choreography easily. How can it be so difficult? I’ve even thought about leaving a few dance classes in the middle of the lesson, but I’ve stayed. Somewhere in my mind, there’s a hope that maybe I’ll learn more and faster, or maybe I will not.
In February this year, I started studying photography at the Helsinki Design School to learn more about it. This is also a bit intimidating. It’s inspiring and simultaneously painfully challenging. You only learn by taking pictures… Sigh.
In our photography studies, we have a new assignment: to capture banal emptiness and find the beauty of seeing emptiness and dullness in different lighting conditions and from various angles. I particularly got excited about this assignment, and I’ve already taken over a dozen quite dull shots on my camera’s memory card. One of the photographer teachers reminded us students that the fundamental purpose of photography is not necessarily to create a beautiful or exquisite image. I find this as a beautiful metaphor for life itself.
Standing in the Relaxed Presence of My Perceived Imperfections
In the midst of these experiences, I strive to accept my mediocre state and this particular phase of life. As the owner of an ”Authentic” running cap, I also share with you couple thougths about authenticity:
”Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” – Brené Brown.
”When you are humble nothing can touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know who you are.” – Mother Teresa